Sunday, June 28, 2009

Maa-Maat and The Red Thing

This is the Red Thing. It is the most indispensable item on the farm. Two people fit very comfortably in the seat, three if you squeeze together. Three bales of hay fit perfectly in the back. It never gets stuck. It never breaks—OK one time it did and believe me, it was a nightmare. Without the Red Thing, horses would go without hay and grain. Fences would never get repaired. Eggs would never be collected. We would have to walk up and down the hill to the barn. Life would be miserable. I ride in The Red Thing.


This is Checkers. She helps bring the horses in and helps put them out. She supervises feeding, stall mucking and general chores. As you can see, she rides in The Red Thing.



This is Maa-Maat. She can do tricks. She plays her little piano and her little drum. She rings her cowbell and jumps through her hoop. She can even do a sheep version of moon walking.

*******

One afternoon a while back, I was down at the barn getting feed and hay ready to take to the horses in the back pastures. The lambs were out of their stall, and three of them were off grazing up on the hill. Not Maa-Maat, though. She was hanging around the barn to keep an eye out should I forget to latch the door to the feed stall.

It only takes her an instant to dash in and throw herself headfirst into the nearest open feed bag. She doesn’t care if it’s lamb feed or horse feed or poultry feed or chicken scratch. It’s all the same to her—edible. And once she gets her head in a bag, it is not easy to get her out. She stiffens up her neck and somehow manages to concentrate her weight it’s all you can do to push and pull and tug and shove her back out into the aisle.

By the time I got the grain buckets filled and sorted, she wasn’t at the front of the barn, so I figured she had given up and gone out to graze with the others. I loaded the buckets into the back of The Red Thing and tied them down. I called to Checkers, and she got in The Red Thing. I got into The Red Thing.

I started it up, put it in gear, and we were ready to go when—


Maa-Maat clambered into The Red Thing. The first thing she did was the first thing she always does. She grabbed the nearest thing, the key, and started trying to eat it.

The first thing Checkers did was jump in my lap and start barking to alert me there was a problem.

At this point, I was trying to pry open Maa-Maat’s mouth to get the key so I could turn the engine off. Since the Red Thing was in gear and running, I was also trying to hold onto Checkers so she wouldn’t slip down and hit the accelerator.

Finally, I got the key away from Maa-Maat and turned off the engine. As you can see, the floorboard isn’t very wide and Maa-Maat isn’t very narrow so there was no way she could turn around. She was going to have to walk all the way through and out the other side.

I got out.

Checkers got out.

After checking if the gear shift was edible—it wasn’t—and checking if the steering wheel was edible—it wasn’t, Maa-Maat finally got out.

Good! Disaster averted. Just to be on the safe side, I grabbed a little bit of grain and teased Maa-Maat into the barn with it. While she was busy gobbling it up, I ran to the Red Thing and got in. Checkers ran to the Red Thing and got in.

But before we could get away, Maa-Maat ran to the Red Thing and got in.

This time it went faster: I got out of the Red Thing. Checkers got out of the Red Thing. Maa-Maat got out of the Red Thing. I ran into the barn and scattered a bit more grain down the aisle then raced back to the Red Thing.

This time we made it—almost.

I came around the other end of the barn, and there she was in the middle of the road waiting for us.

I made a quick U-turn and circled around to the other end of the barn. Maa-Maat raced down the aisle, and there she was again, blocking the road.

Another U-turn. Another Maa-Maat block.

And again.

Sometimes it’s difficult to out-smart a sheep, but it’s not impossible. The next time, instead of making a U-turn and going around the barn, I made a complete 360 degree turn. As Checkers and I drove past, I could see Maa-Maat at the far end of the barn, waiting for us.

Maybe one day I'll find a way for Maa-Maat to take a ride in the Red Thing.






39 comments:

  1. ha ha ha! I am still laughing! She is one smart sheep and so funny. She needs to be seen on T.V.!

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  2. I think you should get her a helmet and a seat belt and Let Her Ride!!!

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  3. Except for the eating the key part, I can't understand why you didn't just let her ride along! Like you said, she couldn't turn around or walk past your legs, so she'd be pretty secure. But I'm sure she'd like the view better from the seat.....

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  4. That is one of the best stories I've ever heard! It sounds like a children's book.

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  5. Pamela! What a hilarious story!!!! Hubby and I agree - Maa Maat needs to ride!!! :)

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  6. Oh my! Thanks for the giggle!
    I had a similar experience with Grace (our latest bottle baby) yesterday, with the exception of 'the red thing'. I was walking, trying to get to the house without her following; had all the sheep out because there was a guy here cleaning out the sheep pen, he found it all rather amusing. I finally let her follow me to the house and sat on the porch with her for a little while. She just doesn't believe me when I tell her shes a sheep!
    Great story!

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  7. What a great story. It sounds to me like Checkers needs to be introduced to some Border Collies that can teach the intimidating Border Collie stare guaranteed to mesmerize critters the likes of Maa-Maat. Alternatively, if regular rides in the Red Thing are really in her future, maybe you could rig a harness and suspend Maa-Maat from the roof bar in the center of the front "window" and pretend she is one of a pair of fuzzy dice.

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  8. Pamela, I found you through a comment you made on Marty Kittrell's blog, and I'm so glad it led me to your blog. I love your "way with words," and I look forward to reading more of your stories about life on Clinch Mountain.

    Sincerely,

    Janie

    P.S. -- I hope you can work out a way for Maa-Maat to ride on the Red Thing, too. She's so adorable.

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  9. (This is the second time I've done this comment..first time the internet must have eaten it.)

    Corrine, I've taken so many pictures of Maa-Maat that I think she's becomeing a bit of a camera diva. I swear sometimes it seems she's posing for me.

    SouthernLady, thank you so much for your kind words! Please come back to visit. Isn't it wonderful how the internet connects all of us strangers together? Just fantastic!

    Kathy, you left out the most important adjective...she's smart and funny, but most of all she's absolutely spoiled rotten. (But if you can't spoil your animals, what's the point, huh?)

    Nancy, Michelle, and Amy, I am seriously considering letting her take a ride. Of course, I have to do it when Checkers isn't around--she does NOT think other animals should ride in HER Red Thing!

    Christy, Maa-Maat is ALWAYS up to something...usually NO good.

    Thank you Jill! I was laughing so hard while it was happening!

    Sittin.n.Spinnin, your Grace sounds just like Maa-Maat. Isn't it funny when non-sheep people come to visit? I love to see the expressions on their faces when the sheep saunter past...they just aren't used to "livestock" being at large. (Oh yeah, and they usually tell me "you sheep are out" when I'm standing right there. LOL)

    Gray Egg, Checkers is a Border-Aussie shepherd cross, but even though she'll work the horses, she won't herd the sheep. About all she does with them is clean their faces and pick sticks out of their wool. As a matter of fact, if it's raining, Maa-Maat will go find Checkers to clean her face for her. (Did I say spoiled?)

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  10. SouthernLady, thank you so much for the kind words. And do come back to visit very often. Isn't it wonderful how the Internet weaves all of us together?

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  11. I've missed Maa-Maat!! I couldn't stop laughing while reading your post. :) Maa-Maat is one smart sheep! She knows it's easier to get around and stay with the ones she loves if she rides in the Red Thing!! I would also love a Red Thing....our barn is down a steep hill. :)

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  12. LOL, I loved this post! What a pretty and funny girl Maaa-Mat is! She just wanted a ride too! :-)

    This sounds like something a goat would do. I wish I had that red thing, it sure looks like it would come in handy.

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  13. Miss your posts and pics! Hope all is well with you all.

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  17. Occasionally I come back to this post and re-read it, it makes me laugh every time. But it also makes me sad because there haven't been any more. Makes me wonder if you and yours are still healthy and hale. Someday it would be great to see another post from you. You're a talented writer!

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